God gave us an Angel

First, I want to Thank all of you for your prayers and kind words through our most recent trying time. It all came to us as a whirlwind and truly we have been swept off of our feet. I apologize to each of you if through any of these past couple of weeks you have been effected and please know you have not gone unforgotten. As I truly value each of my clients and appreciate the friendships I have gained. With so many of you praying for us and not even knowing why...I feel now it is only fair for me to share what we have been blessed with. I don't normally like to get too personal on my business blog however, I feel I need to share this for more reasons than not.

On Sept. 18, 08...business was as usual. I was prepping an order to be shipped to some eagerly awaiting customers...my husband just got home from work and was hungry...and my 2 kiddos were tearing through the house with nothing but "play" on their minds. In short time once returning from the post office I had a very sudden and massive bleed. I called my Dr. whom gave the instructions on what to watch for and when to call her back. Upon having to call her back, my husband and I ended up in the ER for the rest of the evening with our worlds about to be turned upside down. As we fretted of what the bleed could be from what we were about to hear would have not crossed our mind as a possibility in the moment of our "work" busy lives and raising 2 young kids. The nurses drew blood and explained what tests they would be running and we sat patiently. Finally, the Dr. came back to my room...and informed us that I was pregnant. We were blown away. Yes, we have a great, loving, fun, nurturing relationship...but we also have a 15 month old that sleeps between us at night and generally very tired from our days tasks and chasing both of our kids. Need I say more to any of you whom are parents? Well, now to shift gears. Why am I bleeding?

A few days after learning of our "expecting" news...I learned of why I was bleeding through a repeat ultrasound. I was diagnosed with a subchorionic hemorrahage. This condition has not had a lot of studies done to say exactly why it occurs or what can be done to help it, although they have their speculations. But, when showing its face at such a fragile time it can be frightening. I learned that in my short time so far with baby, I had had 2 very large bleeds and 1 smaller bleed...and was lucky to still be with baby. Rest, rest and more rest was what I knew had to be done to get through this and heal the "bleed"...so, that is what I did. After many blood draws at watching my hormone levels rise, and ultrasounds to monitor both my "bleed" and baby...I was excited last Tuesday, 9.30.08, to see what every parent longs to see...my baby's heartbeat. A sense of reassurance came to me that I knew I must keep fighting and staying positive. My husband felt sure at the sight that all would be well. And, for a week I stopped bleeding...pregnancy symptoms kicked in with a vengenance.

This Tuesday, 10.7.08, I returned to my Dr.'s office for another ultrasound to confirm all was proceding as it should from last weeks visit. I left being blown away again. You know the odds are greater for you once you see/hear the heartbeat of your unborn child for having a healthy pregnancy. Most walk through their pregnancy on pins and needles always wondering and praying that everything is ok and eager to meet their love bug. So, I had done just that for the past week since we were blessed the week before with seeing the heartbeat...to learn on this trip there was not one anymore. Our baby was now an angel. I learned that our little one had not grown from the Tuesday before when we got to see the "flicker" of its tiny little hope to a week later. I feel my husband and I were blessed to see the life of our young one for its single moment.

As I wait to close this chapter in our lives...I feel forever changed. I know in my heart that I am a mother to 3...and walk with 2 of my babes. I have shed many tears and asked why? many of times. I know that God has a purpose with all that we endure...I feel blessed to have held my 3 babies the closest anyone ever could, within my tummy and always in my heart.

I am part of a non-profit organizaiton called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. Ironically, October is recognize as Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness month with NILMDTS. If you don't know about this organization...please take the time to learn of its importance. After this most recent personal experience...I now feel even more passionate about it. You can visit the website at http://www.nilmdts.org/. In loving memory to my angel...

Thank you again for your understanding. As I now take time to heal, I know the importance of living life and I plan to return to scheduling sessions in November.

With love,
Charity